well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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