Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
