Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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