I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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