So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
