my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
