just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
