Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
