i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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