yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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