last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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