At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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