3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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