Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
