sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
