Your face is a jimmy john
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
