are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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