How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
