He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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