If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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