I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
