what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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