Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
