Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
