guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
