He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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