Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
