What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
