you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His nipple licking is glorious
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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