I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
