party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize