Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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