I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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