apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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