btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
