When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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