Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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