those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
