ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
