I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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