it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
