i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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