sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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