I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
