After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
