Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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