you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
