I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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