I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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