She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
