Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
