you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
