So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
