whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so that wasnt chicken after all
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
