i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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