my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
