Whoa Z and x make the same sound
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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