Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
