Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish my penis had a tongue
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
