I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
