I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
