The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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