You work out of a Hotel?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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