May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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