He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
