i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
COCAINE IS GR8
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
