I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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