they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
