This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
