sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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