my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
